Love-Bombing Mamoru

Move and I’ll kill you. Talk back and I’ll kill you.

My sister always said these words as she applied eyeliner around my eye as if it were a rule.

She lowered her husky voice to the brink, reminiscent of sharp shards of glass.

Her fierce nature was evident as she narrowed her slightly upturned eyes, making deep furrows between her brows.

That's why today, as always, her words carried extra weight.

Respond.

Hearing Rin's command, it felt like invisible hands clutched my body, robbing me of any will to resist.

Okay.

Rin slightly raised the corners of her mouth as I nodded.

And then . . . she gently rubbed the tip of the eyeliner against my eyelid.

I'll make you look extra cute today. Aren't you the lucky one?

I didn't feel lucky at all. But all I could do was nod.

People often misunderstood, but I didn’t enjoy dressing up as a girl. To be precise, I struggled with any attire that further emphasized the lack of masculinity evident in my face and body.

Dressing up as a girl only highlighted my flaws. There's no way I could be happy about it.

Of course, Rin knew this. She forced me despite knowing it.

She probably saw me as nothing more than her dress-up doll.

I hate it.

Good.

While I was lost in thought, she had created the illusion of my eyes being puffy and applied false eyelashes.

She's obviously skilled at this. Well, she has been dressing me up for years, so it's only natural.

Now for the wig, let's see . . .

She took a long black wig from the dining room table and placed it on my head. The hair was neatly tied back with a net.

I was already dressed in a flamboyantly gothic-style dress, adorned with tiny belts and studs, cinched tightly around the waist—it was quite flashy.

The dark black eyeshadow must have also been due to her desire to finish the look in a morbid style.

As I cautiously glanced at the mirror on the wall . . . I immediately regretted that decision. A sickly goth girl sat on the chair, far beyond what I had imagined. I kept telling myself that that was not me.

At the edge of the mirror, I could also see Mom sitting at the dining table, watching TV, her eyes averted from us as usual. A muddy feeling welled up inside me at the sight of her.

These people . . .

Don't you just look adorable!

Hearing that voice, I turned my gaze back to Rin. She smiled at me tenderly.

Now to add the finishing touches.

Rin gently lifted my chin with her fingertips as she pulled out a deep purple lipstick.

My lips were slowly, almost toxically, stained. It might sound exaggerated, but as the lipstick crawled over my lips, it felt as though my very being was being erased. It was a disturbing thought.

Aah, ah, aaaahhh . . .

With a feverish, dazed expression, Rin let out an unintelligible sound.

She was so focused on her task that her mouth hung half open. Her lukewarm breath dampened my face.

Done. Oh, wow. I can't believe how cute you look today . . . !

The tip of the lipstick finally left my lips.

Rin's eyes were slightly moist. Whether it was from excitement or emotion, she was clearly overwhelmed.

As I coldly watched her, she suddenly embraced me, using her body like a blanket.

Mamoru, I love you. So much.

She whispered those words in my ear but I didn't respond.

I didn't want to.

I pushed away all the stimuli—like the scent of her shampoo or that soft feeling pressing through her clothes— to clear my mind, and thought of somewhere else, anywhere but here.

If only Mamoru had been a girl.

Rin never said she wanted a sister. She always wished that I were a girl.

I've never deeply thought about the meaning behind that difference.

She hugged me even tighter. Her slender, long fingers dug into my shoulders, spreading a dull pain.

Ouch!

My groan was ignored.

It's such a shame that you were born a boy.

A shame, huh?

As she clung to me, I suppressed my emotions for a while, until Rin reluctantly let go.

We've got to take a picture.

She pulled out her smartphone.

Smile for me?

At her command, I smiled awkwardly, mechanically.

The flash filled my vision.

With a snap, my image was captured and displayed on Rin's smartphone.

It wasn't just one picture. She kept giving instructions to change my gaze and pose.

I complied with her demands, one after another.

The flashing didn't stop. Her photo roll was filled with images in short order.

With each demand I met, Rin seemed increasingly satisfied, and embarrassingly, that brought me a sense of relief . . .

Eventually, the blinding light ceased.

Hmm. That should be good enough.

The dazed look on Rin's face returned to normal.

I'll send the good ones. Post them, okay?

Rin manipulated her smartphone. Shortly after, my phone on the dining table vibrated.

The table rattled with the force, creating an annoying sound.

From the sofa in the living room, just a few feet from the dining table, Mom turned her attention from the TV. With an annoyed frown, she glared at my phone.